it hurts so so so much. in the morning, when i heard the news from her, it was like a stab.. a real hard stab. shattered, stabbed right where it really hurts.. it was the first ever time i felt this way. it wasnt the worst, but it was bad in a diff way i never felt before. i know im a weakling at such things, but im just too soft to just let things unleashed just like that. i cant, cant bring myself to..i know, weakling me. its like this part of me keep wanting to keep him the benefit of doubt.to tell myself he didnt actually mean it. but if you think rationally, whether or not he meant it or not doesnt actually matter, it already hurts that much anyhow.. ouch.. how dumb can i get. he doesnt even know it. but i suffer silently, not literally silently. but he doesnt even know. so why bother? but huimin's a dumb ass.

to hell with all of that. i know if i try hard enough, ill be able to cleanse my mind off such shite which arent even worth it.. if i force myself hard enough, i might hopefully be able to heck everything. what for suffer? to hell with all of that..

hmmm hai just gimme some time pple.thanks for putting up with my gloominess in class, and reciprocating with all the care ive got from you guys.all my really nice classmates.bing thanks for the mars and the hazelnut choc. the nice surprises youve left in my bag to cheer me up and give me energy. it all really means alot to me. im sorry ive been down and all these few days. thanks for being there for me..

hahah had a nice talk wtih firas about his attitude before pe.hilarious stuff..hmm went to pool at mambo with inverted pe shirts with chris ho and lai after pe today.haha..the cues and the table was so so so smooth and perfect that me and lai played so screwedly..haha..but they are nice fun friends to hang out with..oh then me and chris were recalling the first time we met.and how i thought he looked damn violent with his black poser jacket.haha he admitted he was feeling pissed off that day.hahahah..but chris's so nice.bwahaha..mrt with lai and went down to pp to shoot.

shooting was good today though i reached quite late. ken ang found out i didnt eat today except for that one mars bar so he was bitching at me like mad. he's like, "as your trainer, i must ensure you have a proper diet blah blah blah.." haha..aww yeah ken rocks. but hes forcing me to eat more so i can train properly. but yeah he rocks, buying arrows to lend to me cos my arrows are more for beginners and for trng.. heh hes been helping me alot and damn damn fun to crap with. haha i can even talk to him about serious stuff, haha like when we went to draw money..yay my dog trainer aka ken rocks..

may things get better soon.really soon, if not i might just not be able to take it and break down.but still, i pray that things get better soon.

oh yeah! esther and me are new found friends.haha.she added me on friendster and we realised we were pri sch classmates.ok more like i rmb cos shes still so blur as ever.haha..nice to "refind" a friend. =) haha plus shes somehow connected to my other friends too, laura, weixian, tiff..