all these sleepless nights should come to an end. life has been kinda screwed up cos i havent been able to do anything properly. its been so bad that i was thinking about quitting sch now and go poly. and i may really really be considering it. i havent go through a day without crying for a long time. watched notebook today. kinda helped me put things into perspective, why should i be the silly one who hangs on and care so much even though i know he doesnt care? why should i choose to suffer and sacrifice even though i know i can move on if i really try to? i realised i should stop doing this, cos if i continue, you'd just conveniently attribute everything to me, hoping and persuading me to give it up for you, and not snap out of it and not try to make your own life better..doing what i do now is not only bad for you, it also hurts me. like shit.

i cant sacrifice an opportunity and my future cos of this. maybe i would for real love. but you never told me what you really feel. and if i was really important to you, you wouldnt be requesting what you've been asking me to do. everyone else have been right, only ive been the fool wanting to believe otherwise cos i cant bear to see you like that..everyone else have been saying i need to stop caring and let you stand up on your own. shit i need my life back, i need to stop trying to act happy and i need to be happy again..i'll pray everynight that you'd learn, to move on, to forget me,to handle your own emotions and what youve been feeling.

watched notebook today with kayhian and bing after having swensens with lai, eman, bing, mike, kayhian. notebook's really really good. much better than walk to remember and the book itself..everyone should go watch it..

from the notebook...

Allie: Do you think our love can do miracles?

Noah: I do.

Allie: Do you think our love can take us away?

Noah: Yes, our love can let us do whatever we wanted.

Noah Calhoun: Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone.

if you ever read this, im sorry i had to lie but you know i dont mean it. i cant hang on anymore, i cant take care of how you feel anymore, i cant love you like i do anymore. as bing says, someone has to take that step and move on, and if its not going to be you, its gotta be me.