i like discovering more about myself and my personality. but sometimes it is scary to think about things too much.
from the mid of last year till now, i have been wanting to spend less time in a social group and wanting more time to myself and those closer to me. i know all along im an extrovert and i can make friends super easily. but recently, i have been finding it harder and harder to keep close friends and i am losing more and more faith in all that talk about frienship. its not that i dont believe in friends, i do. i love many of my friends, and i know i have friends who care so damn much about me.
but i dont know why, i've been wanting time to myself and to very few whom im close to. then i feel more and more detached from my friends and social life. haiya dont know, been feeling like this alot from middle of last year. i wonder if anyone ever felt the same.
maybe its the transition from being very active in the social circle, so as to speak, to now, being dormant? haha.
sometimes reading the updates on my friends' lives make me realise how damn detached i am. and how damn much i miss some of them. and makes me wonder why is all these happening. it feels as if i have become a coward.
i cant decide if i have merely changed or maybe i have been like that all along. i cant decide if maybe im just feeling more settled than last time or whether this is good or bad.
and i miss netball. argh crap. stupid xian that time still can purposely ask me whether i wanna go back to netball and whether i miss netball or not.
and now i hate it that i cant go train regularly for archery. i've been trying to study but its so damn hard. argh. and firstly, i know that trng doesnt take up that much time and i would still have time to study but the thing is 1) i hang around after trng 2) i will ache and sometimes it makes it very hard to concentrate and i sometime throw tantrums 3) i make excuses for myself not to study. i know its possible to balance both, but its been very hard to concentrate and study. argh. i enjoy training and i know that if i train more i can achieve much more than i do now. argh i dont know what to do.
crap. i sound like a damn lame person. sometimes its so hard to put things in words, i guess thats why some people give up and just keep things to themselves. theres always the risk of people misinterpreting your words and form a certain wrong judgement about you.
ok so much random things said. and i think people who reads blog are prob tired of hearing this, but i wanna assure that its entirely and totally true for me, even though im a RJ student, who are all well-known for complaining they didnt study and scoring 4As at the same time: im doomed for common tests.
father father father help us. send some guidance from above
from the mid of last year till now, i have been wanting to spend less time in a social group and wanting more time to myself and those closer to me. i know all along im an extrovert and i can make friends super easily. but recently, i have been finding it harder and harder to keep close friends and i am losing more and more faith in all that talk about frienship. its not that i dont believe in friends, i do. i love many of my friends, and i know i have friends who care so damn much about me.
but i dont know why, i've been wanting time to myself and to very few whom im close to. then i feel more and more detached from my friends and social life. haiya dont know, been feeling like this alot from middle of last year. i wonder if anyone ever felt the same.
maybe its the transition from being very active in the social circle, so as to speak, to now, being dormant? haha.
sometimes reading the updates on my friends' lives make me realise how damn detached i am. and how damn much i miss some of them. and makes me wonder why is all these happening. it feels as if i have become a coward.
i cant decide if i have merely changed or maybe i have been like that all along. i cant decide if maybe im just feeling more settled than last time or whether this is good or bad.
and i miss netball. argh crap. stupid xian that time still can purposely ask me whether i wanna go back to netball and whether i miss netball or not.
and now i hate it that i cant go train regularly for archery. i've been trying to study but its so damn hard. argh. and firstly, i know that trng doesnt take up that much time and i would still have time to study but the thing is 1) i hang around after trng 2) i will ache and sometimes it makes it very hard to concentrate and i sometime throw tantrums 3) i make excuses for myself not to study. i know its possible to balance both, but its been very hard to concentrate and study. argh. i enjoy training and i know that if i train more i can achieve much more than i do now. argh i dont know what to do.
crap. i sound like a damn lame person. sometimes its so hard to put things in words, i guess thats why some people give up and just keep things to themselves. theres always the risk of people misinterpreting your words and form a certain wrong judgement about you.
ok so much random things said. and i think people who reads blog are prob tired of hearing this, but i wanna assure that its entirely and totally true for me, even though im a RJ student, who are all well-known for complaining they didnt study and scoring 4As at the same time: im doomed for common tests.
father father father help us. send some guidance from above
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