sunday. after pesta sukan, we went down to cc for awhile..all of us were stoning in the nice aircon room and all refusing to move even though we've decided to go suntec for kenny rogers.oh haha kenneth and me played the fast spinning thing again..then we played pepsi cola with gabriel too.we were that bored..then finally overcame inertia and went suntec for lunch..after lunch we went for max brenner's choc bar..damn damn nice stuff..the suckao is like damn nice.

then me bing kenneth took a bus together and bing went hong's house..then we two hung out at my house there and smart and so clever kenneth suddenly felt like running.so ran 400m at my house downstairs track thingy..then he made me run too! crazzy, had to run in my uncomfortable shorts.haha the crazy shite we do. oh and i have a blue black on my knee from fighting with him..hahah..its like both kick then both kicks deflected so both kana pain..haha..

yesterday:sch was so sian.damn alot of pple didnt come.kayhian.tim.bing.keith.kevin..bleaghh i hate helen tan.hong promised to tuition me econs so i'll kick her ass in econs..and point out all her mistakes and shit..yeahh went to library to do work and stuff too..still got damn alot of outstanding work to clear.promised someone i would do work these two days of holidays..

oh random memories.heh =) first day, first time..pool at paradiz..ben, lai, khor, you, me..i still remember it was after netball trng that day.oh next day was pool again.and shopping for my heels..haha we went a thousand u.r.s and you were the one to find the perfect one..haha..not bad la..ohh, my eeyore pencil case..nice surprise for me =)didnt expect you to buy it without telling me..oh the day out with hon and laa..met up with hon and crapped for long time waiting for laa to start work at esplande thai express..hon was so amused with us and couldnt stop laughing.then ate at thai express and it was a nice nice meal with everyone.laa's still as crazy as ever and i was squabbling with her like mad that day.hehh..

waiting for anna juelin uni chuin tiff to decide what time they going back to rgs..im too lazy to go rj..haha..seriously cant be bothered.hmm hope i have time to bake stuff on wed so can bring for teachers and classmates on thurs..

hmm think you knew perfectly what i was talking about on the phone yesterday night and you know exactly what im feeling.could tell you knew..i guess, all i can do, is leave it to you..think about it, and think hard about what you really want..its like what i said, things are not up to me anymore.though you always say we always have choices, but in this case i dont think its up to me anymore.

memories. all i can think about most now are scenes of you and me. picture perfect i call it.. everywhere i go everything i see reminds me of everything we did together, every word you said to me. yes no matter what, they are picture perfect to me. using selective memory, i only remember the best times we've had. i want to choose to forget the past few weeks of living hell. so when i look back, i smile.. picture perfect

think i'll record down memories that come to me randomly. like sitting at esplanade by the river, i remember that was the place you told me about traingle nebula. that was where you told me the story of the chinese tourists with the indians and the europeans when i was fantasizing about the neon lights falling on the river surface. the spinning thing we were playing. how you thought the lion made with the calendar paper concept was damn cool. how i buy my chewy fudge cookie. you think i was having fun hanging out, but im having fun thinking of you. smiling at the times we shared, laughing at the stupid things we did, then occasionally sighing cos i miss you and thinking why cant things turn out a different way since we both want it so much. now you're everywhere. =)

random memory.esplanade rooftop. that day you bought a bag of gummies for me.and we were having this gummy sweets competition i think..to see who picks the better one to eat. the wind was nice i remember..heh oh i whined about wanting the big balls of lanterns of lights. you said you would take it for me.haha.. okay its just random memories la k..oh remember how i hate to go to libraries with you cos you'd start poking me and attacking me and i couldnt scream or squeal cos we are in the library. oh and the original pinkshirtgame that we started. some things i'll never forget.

i'll still be here, hanging around like what monica said. maybe..just maybe one day, we'd be happy together again. i really mean what i wrote in the last sentence of the letter..hai but for now, we will both concentrate on getting better ok? you know those days were hell, i know you dont want me to feel like i did ever again.and neither do i want you to k? so we're both going to get better alright?

now i really have to put in extra extra double double effort i catching up in school. i want to put my life back onto tracks again. i know pple in sch have been damn worried about my sch work and everything. even weixian's like asking me to study and saying how he has studied so much already. yeah i now have to work like super damn hard,much more than ever.hahah..only say dunno how to do one la..what great motivation do i have to count on? hai, but i'll try la k? at least start going school and paying attention as usual.

yesterday.helped out at the archery shoot for the disabled. it was frigging hot but was quite fun. nice optimistic and hopeful people, all of them..just did a whole day of scoring and everything.the buffet sucked too. bleaghh. then me hong bing went back to hong's house to rest and slack. ate some ice cream and washed my hair. then cabbed down to tampines with bing to have dinner with the tp people.ate a popiah..

then me monica bing gabriel took bus to the interchange to wait for ken.then bought vcds, analyze that and gangs of new york. hmm saw a few shows that i really wanted to watch but missed. then we took a bus back to monica's house. pigged out, napped awhile before we watched anaylze that. it was damn funny.good shit. but i fell asleep before it ended cos was super tired..then slept awhile more before we went downstairs to watch olympic archery. the last shooter of korea is damn damn good. his form is so shen. and that guy of ukraine also.. hmm then we were all so stoned after drinking abit of long island t and jackdaniel with cola. okay more like cos we were damn tired.but gabriel went damn damn red from drinking.damn funny. then we finally dragged ourselves out and walked to eat supper. the prata is damn nice..

hmm then walked back to monica's house then she sent us all back home..heh i fell asleep so she missed a turning..so we u-turned..and then missed the turning again cos i was so sleepy..haha so had to uturn again..hahah..got home about 4 sth..grandma bitched at me like hell.hehh..okay today's just incessant rubbish chattering about what happened..i dunno what to say anymore le la..too tired..

a day with no tears! =) finally. though i know im living a lie, and this happiness shall be shortlived.

really had alot alot of fun with you today. all the shit we did.i laughed damn damn hard.. when you did your damn gay voice imitation of dunno what.and when we were playing so much at esplanade. we playing the swinging thing and you trying to embarrass me! heh.hai cant we lead our lives like that and continue shooting as well?

ate damn alot today.chicken rice.char kway teow from sch. one topless five.

had pw obseravations today. hai i wanna be able to enjoy myself happily in class again. i feel damn sorry to my classmates who see me in this state and not knowing how they can help and feel so helpless..really sorry.. but gimme some time k? i just need time to sort all this out..then i'd be the happy and high huimin i was..the one who goes crazy once in a while and does stupid shit things. but for now, im sorry i cant even help it la k..cant do anything properly..sorry..

i cant.i just cant do it. how many things have i resolved to just turn and walk away and leave you to be? and its not that i cant get over it and get over you. its not that i still love you so much and i still want to be with you. i cant i cant i cant i cant cos of what you're doing to yourself. msged you during math lect, then you called me after sch. i was so so scared. of what you might do. you seriously scared me.i thought you were going to explode or sth bad would happen to you. thats why i had to agree to see you again. i know its no point to see you and talk. thats why i really didnt want to anymore. but i was damn scared. i cant la okayy..

stood at the roadside talking for 3 hours. till my weak knee started to become soft and my stomach started hurting. whats the point of talking every time if all you want is ask me to give up. beg me to give up? im really sick of crying non stop.and im really sick of seeing you so tortured. until the point i really couldnt take it anymore yesterday..that i just told you i would consider it. but right after it i know i cant. i know i cant. your perfect solution= quit, get over it, be with you happily ever after. reality= quit, get over the fact of quitting, but never ever will get over the fact you said you love me and you were the one who made me give up what i want to do. im really starting to think. are all these that youve said real? my brain's fried. my eyes hurt. i dont think i can think anymore.

what else is there to do? i let myself suffer and not just walk away from you and lead my own life, happier than this, cos i really believed that together we can work out something that involves both of us shooting together happily and being together again..even if we dont get together again, but just shooting happily. ive always believed that. but im getting crushed by you, by how you come to every talk wanting me to quit, persuading me to quit. thats all there is in your mind. then what for talk? then what for? for you to achieve your aim of asking me to quit? thats probably it for you. if thats the case, i just feel like.. argh.. i dunno..

you keep saying you dont wanna worry your friends and parents anymore. and so you think no one's worried about me? everyone dont want me to quit, they'll prob kill you if you make me. everyone is damn worried about me going to school and everything..or rather, me not going to school. every morning i wake up feeling like crap. i cant do anything anymore.. and for you, you live a life like hell as long as i never agree to it.and once i say i will think about it, life is okayfor you once again. it is that simple for you.

argh i know you dont mean it.i know what kind of person you actually are. i know you're not like that. i know i know. when will this end? when?

all these sleepless nights should come to an end. life has been kinda screwed up cos i havent been able to do anything properly. its been so bad that i was thinking about quitting sch now and go poly. and i may really really be considering it. i havent go through a day without crying for a long time. watched notebook today. kinda helped me put things into perspective, why should i be the silly one who hangs on and care so much even though i know he doesnt care? why should i choose to suffer and sacrifice even though i know i can move on if i really try to? i realised i should stop doing this, cos if i continue, you'd just conveniently attribute everything to me, hoping and persuading me to give it up for you, and not snap out of it and not try to make your own life better..doing what i do now is not only bad for you, it also hurts me. like shit.

i cant sacrifice an opportunity and my future cos of this. maybe i would for real love. but you never told me what you really feel. and if i was really important to you, you wouldnt be requesting what you've been asking me to do. everyone else have been right, only ive been the fool wanting to believe otherwise cos i cant bear to see you like that..everyone else have been saying i need to stop caring and let you stand up on your own. shit i need my life back, i need to stop trying to act happy and i need to be happy again..i'll pray everynight that you'd learn, to move on, to forget me,to handle your own emotions and what youve been feeling.

watched notebook today with kayhian and bing after having swensens with lai, eman, bing, mike, kayhian. notebook's really really good. much better than walk to remember and the book itself..everyone should go watch it..

from the notebook...

Allie: Do you think our love can do miracles?

Noah: I do.

Allie: Do you think our love can take us away?

Noah: Yes, our love can let us do whatever we wanted.

Noah Calhoun: Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone.

if you ever read this, im sorry i had to lie but you know i dont mean it. i cant hang on anymore, i cant take care of how you feel anymore, i cant love you like i do anymore. as bing says, someone has to take that step and move on, and if its not going to be you, its gotta be me.

im sorry i have to do this. im too desperate already, cos ive tried everything to make you better. and it seems like to you, this is the ONLY way out. im sorry if you found out about what im doing. but i got no choice. no f*cking choice at all.living a big lie and it sucks.

intersch archery comp yesterday. had fun, didnt perform as well as i thought i could. my average score led me to get second place in the open category. but tang gave me the gold for under18girls instead. heh then my team event lost and got second. my momentum for team event seriously sucks. well, so ended up with one gold one silver.good enough for the first comp la.even though its only intersch. but i really really wanna do better soon.

went to monica's house to watch vcd and to hang out.then went for supper and got home about three sth am..wasnt feeling very good. was damn tired and feeling like shit as usual. so sorry if i kinda spoilt the mood and made pple worried. will things ever get better?

jie kou(excuse) by jay chou is seriously damn nice. everyone go listen to it. the lyrics are below so if ya cant see change your encoding to unicode. bleahh its so nice.im a jay-addict.like how after cheerleading that day, me allenpoon and ec just sat near the netball courts llistening to his new songs.

<<藉口>>
翻著我們的照片 想念若隱若現
去年的冬天 我們笑得很甜
看著妳哭泣的臉 對著我說再見
來不及聽見 妳已走得很遠
也許妳已經放棄我 也許已經很難回頭
我知道自己錯過 請再給我一個理由
說妳不愛我 就算是我不懂
能不能原諒我
請不要把分手當作妳的請求
我知道堅持要走是妳受傷的藉口
請妳回頭 我會陪妳一直走到最後
就算沒有結果 我也能夠承受
我知道妳的痛 是我給的承諾
妳說給過我縱容 沉默是因為包容
如果要走 請妳記得我
如果難過 請妳忘了我

when i look into your eyes, i fall in love with you again.

why do i put myself through such hurt and pain,

knowing that my heart will be left broken in the end again?

and all that i get in return are tears that fall like the rain.

hai whys it so so hard for me this time. why cant i just walk away and abandon that hope inside me? arghh, i never used to be like this, and its killing my brain cells and drying up my eyes. i just want things to be fine again, i just want us not to have that shit feeling inside of us when we see each other.. argh this is so frigging hard and we've been trying so much and things hasnt been solved. if only i could turn back time. argh i dunno, i feel so zapped of emotions and everything, all i feel is the pain, when i see you like that.. when will things ever get better?

hmm putting jay's nice slow songs on repeat and blasting it isnt a very smart thing to do when youre down. but his songs are so damn nice.

wahh..i need to recover. bruises, scratches, aches all over.everywhere. screwed left ankle. swollen right knee. bleahh good job huimin..

cheer's finally over. im glad its over. and its been real fun.allen and daryl trying to do the girl dance. kevin and his usual crap antics and remarks. our long hours at practice. me and yeemeng trying our flips and practising our partner routine. makchen with his nonsense about him being buff and shite..

went to shoot after ifg opening today. have decided to shoot without clicker for this competition first.. cos i really not enough trng and confidence shooting with clicker.. my grouping's much tighter when i dont use clicker. bleah i know its all in the mind la..but ken says my arrows are about a third inch too long anywayy.. ill shoot alot better without clicker..arghh sat comp already, i dont even have time to recover properly..

im really hooked on jay's new slow songs. jie kou is damn damn damn nice.

argh i really dunno what to do.what are we going to do? can things go back to where they were? its NOW that i really wish i can turn back time.

i feel like im gonna crumble already. its like theres this loose screw holding me together, and one slight knock, and i'll be on the ground, all dismantled and dust going up.

its been cheer cheer everyday.and shooting.my shoulder muscles are so tensed up and my neck was aching. thankfully i had nice nice massage rub from ken and bing.feeling better.tmr cheer from 11-7.our last last prac!! pysche UP!

then right after cheerleading comp is intersch archery. bleagh i havent gotten down to intense focussing and trng which is essential before a comp.bleagh so screwed..

there are so many things i wanna say but i dont think i can. i really wanna watch the notebook after the good recommendations from everyone. but i really dunno if its a good time to watch such a show at this time. havent caught a show in eons..

i promised bing this would be the last time, i ever cry for you. i dunno if that will happen, but i am going to try. i told bing ill be able to do it, to let go of everything in a heartless manner since we're both like that. i dunno if that'll happen, but im really gonna try. i dunno why its so shit hard to let go this time, maybe its cos of our indecisiveness, maybe its just bad timing, or maybe, its cos of how much you actually mean to me. but im so tired alreadyy.and it sucks to affect other people too cos of my moods too.

ec went with me to listen to jay's new cd in heeren today.some songs are damn damn nice!! my usual favourite stuff, the slower songs.bleaghh, jay rocks.and i still dunno if i should go watch notebook.

had a long long day today. finally got to sleep in, then went for cheerleading at one. me wont be doing much stunts anymore cos hurt my knee. bleaghh need to succeed in the flip with yeemeng.

hmm then monica picked me up in her car.then we one whole group of pple went to bedok to eat. then went changi beach. was looking at stars which made me think about some stuff again. the traingle nebula. though it doesnt exist, but to us it does.i could see it just now,and i think i would be able to recgonise it anywhere.

yepp just reached home, and things have been rather confusing. and i really really hope cheerleading goes well. arts fac cheerleading 2004.

national day celecrations. far from rgs celebrations.it used to be damn fun, all these celebrations.but well, highlight of the day.. while everyone was singing national day songs in the hall, we made jue do an elevator and pop right in the middle of the hall.. it was so funny and cute..cheer after national day today. learnt the guy-girl parts and ran through the dance routine parts. knee got much better, but im pretty worried about whether its strong enough for stunts.hai shittee..

hmm then went to cedar to shoot. yay pretty happy at the end of todays trng. was at first damn frustrated cos struggling to click.but decided to make mind over matter so tried relaxing and enjoying it first without clicker. it kinda worked cos i found the perfect anchor point and figured out what ken was trying to teach me about my inconsistent rotation of elbow and stuff. so now feeling much better about my shooting.

maybe cos my my conquering of my big big weakness in shooting that i became quite high.couldnt really sit still for long and kept wanting to do stuff. had dinner with bing and ken at pp, then we took bus to bugis to have coffee bean. haha felt hyper throughout..was doing splits and stretching on the double decker bus.haha..yea then talked alot about rj archery stuff..

bleagh i swear chuin is crazy.haha.first asking me to check out locker.then today was check the lt..and shes really kinda obsessed.then getting so worried about whether she was making a fool of herself when certain someone was there.haha.hehh.but chuin's such a darling. love you =) and tiff is another crazyy girl.not flinging eh?hahahah..

i wonder if we could if we tried. but now, we both have no courage to face up to it. really wonder how things became so complicated and tiring and conflicting. cant things just be relaxed and happy like how they used to be? i dunno what we can do. its such a pity. sucks..

yesterday. sprained my knee at cheer.prob tore part of the meniscus again. and daryl: its not your fault k, dont worry.better hope can recover and flex and bend fully by sunday.

today. sch was sleepy sleepy. quite malu cos chengtju called me in lecture to ask me to wake up. didnt wake up immediately when he called my name. haha but went back to sleep after waking up anyway.i like math lects now.been paying attention and being a good girl already. oh but weixian started throwing paper planes at me, then throw small paper bombs at everyone.i swear yonghui is the slowest reaction person i ever know. =) oh me and firas played connect four too.shit la, i need to beat him one day.eh but our last game was good.lasted damn long.

then pe was some nutrition talk. oh managed to get myself out of fitness elective cos i didnt even take napfa.and now knee injured cant take napfa too. then the girls played floorball. me and bena got bored after pe so decided to go the bball courts to watch the guys play. haha eman was chao funny!! oh then was walking back to canteen with the three pgp, walking in front of them.then idiot keith of sth threw the bball at me, when i was backfacing them.i turned and thought it was weixian so was damn pissed.haha..then firas tried to roll it at me again.but failed..they are idiots la..oh yeah, my pri schh friend estherr came to rj to crash today. heh was really nice to see her. esther: yepp its been about ten years, haha and we've all grown up so different already. you take care lots k babe? and spend more time with your close friends b4 ya leave.

hmm went for econs remedial. can anyone believe it? almost everyone in class ponned it.except for me and lai.omg..haha intended to pon and go shoot, but didnt in the end cos of something.yeah and came home super super early today.even before it got dark.was feeling so disorientated cos havent been home this early before.was seriously feeling damn weird.haha..national day celebrations tmr..wanna wear cvs but seems like no one is wearing..bleaghh.

headache. scratchy throat. torn meniscus in knee. screwed right knee again.

wondering where you are~do i ever cross your mind? ---girl on tv

i gotta finish at least one gp essay by tmr!! all in exchange for my metal bow. its a damn good deal, and i already have the metal bow with me. =) just for completing my essay by today, and finishing bing's soon, i get my metal bow, collaboratively put together and loaned by ken and bing. omg, im gonna be so obssessed with the metal bow. but yea, ken and bing are so nice to me. bleaghh. thanks k!

but first, i gotta finish my essay today. cheerleading cancelled today so went to shoot. but came late cos went polyclinic with uni, so didnt get to shoot as much as i wanted. me and uni kinda had a good talk, and realised how similar a predicament we are in now..its quite strange, we're like in exact same position. even the last para of my previous post made up of words that she confessed to as things that spoke exactly her mind.

shooting was quite bad as first, havent shot for shit long and was damn pissed off at first. but i slowly gained back composure and shot one good end after realising what was wrong. kept trying to maintain consistency in my isolating of the bow arm and draw arm, but maintaining the push and pull at the same time. bleaghh. i need alot more practice but i got no time. and things doesnt help that they have such high expectations for me in the inter-sch comp coming up.

sch today was more bearable and enjoyable somehow. didnt pon anything and didnt even sleep in class. maybe cos i finally could get to sleep properly, so got more sleep than usual comparatively. in sea hist lesson today, me and firas were gonna have a handwriting penmanship contest, but firas is a desperate pok cheater bug. he said," im gonna write nicer than huimin." then guess what, being the lame shit he is, he wrote the exact words "nicer than huimin" on the paper. keerraazee.. then stupid weixian and firas were like rocking to and fro on their chairs in class and i was sitting beside them. weixian was like " eh huimin, what you supposed to say now?" shit la..cos last time he always like to rock to and fro on his chair, then ill say like eh weixian, stop rocking. then his classic usual reply,"i cant help it if i rock what." like whatever..haha..

bleaghh, i need more money. i need alot more sleep. i need more time to train for archery. i need to practise cheer more and hopefully get things going quickly. i need to start doing my work. bleahh, ok at least i started eating alot less and started my successful diet once again.

aww yeah. my metal bow..cant wait to get used to shooting with it.. but still using wooden bow for comp first la.cos no time to get used to it yet..

went for cousin's birthday party today. couldnt leave as soon as ecpected for cheerleading so had to miss it. realised how how much i missed my baby cousin.my grandma used to take care of her.. shes damn damn cute. bleagh really missed her. she still can remember my grandma and me, and sticks to us alot.which was really nice to know.

no time to go for cheerleading so my big cousin sent me to clarke quay mrt.met up with kayhian bing and mike and cabbed down to singapore repertory theatre for woman in black. was nearly late. after intermission, went to sit at the first floor with the girls.lynette damn cute with her dress and her hair! nic camy bena all in skirts.i love the girls =) haha its a damn good play. damn chilling it is. but as usual i wasnt really freaked out. just shocked at times.yea but its good.then went to cartel to eat. had a good meal with classmates. as usual, i love ao1e. =) then walked from mohammed sultan to esplanade. on the way with many distractions. nice diversions though. firstly it was the bungee thingy at clarke quay. happened to see one of the ride going up, so we the girls screamed along with the pple riding it.i really wanna try it, but its seriously overpriced. then it was the fireworks. we just stood in the middle of the road, watching the fireworks which were real pretty pretty. just stood there drinking bottled bacardi and enjoying those nice fireworks. my favourite - the ones which were pink and white, which resembled a orchid. damn chio.oh classic moments by mike, who left us before we saw fireworks, so called kayhian when he heard those loud noises by the fireworks: is singapore under attack?

so we reached esplanade.and there was a shit load of pple.then ken came over to meet us. but esplanade was seriously too crowded. so the girls left, me bing kayhian ken went pacific coffee co to talk and chat. had caramel steamed milk which was damn nice. it tasted like milk with cereal, just without the cereal. heh. shit i need to stop eating. been eating more these days.yesterday and today.

i think i should tire myself out and let more things occupy my time and leave no time for me to think at all. but realised no matter how i try now,even though i have resolved to walk away from you, nothing changes the fact that i miss you. whenever i have the time, i try to think about where you are, imagine what you are doing and about the latest time we met. i think you still have a huge place in my heart and i still miss you, but i know im ready to move on. does that make sense? bleah, can things stop complicating my life. like other things and other people that are happening now..argh i really dunno how things came to be like this. even things that i predicted that would happen in future are making my life worse. i wish i could just take a nice walk or sit on the beach or just feel the breeze against my face or just lie down on my back watching stars, without thinking about you, without worrying about anything.

hrm. everything seems so blue these days. and everyone seem to be in terrible moods these days. almost everyone. =(

i went with every intention to give up. to tell you, thats it, im gonna disappear from your life now and forever. if my presence causes you so much pain. seeing you like that hurts me more than anything. yeah i did succeed walking away at first. but why the beckoning back to wipe my tears and bringing me back to your arms? to make me feel better? hell yeah i did feel better. to find that familiar smell again, and to find myself in those arms again. but that wont help anything. it just complicated things. we should just heck everything and let things all come to an end, and just let me walk away and disappear from your life. everytime you do this, everytime i end up in your arms, i think about the possibilities. the maybes. of reviving the heaven we used to share. but its impossible.. argh i dunno what i want, but only thing im sure is, i want you to be ok again.

went to hc carnival.damn crowded and things got sold out pretty quickly. stupid wenkai is so evil. the first thing he does when he sees me, even before i can say hi is to bully me. kept spraying water on me with his water gun. stupid wenkai. bullys me like hell! then me and bing went to pp with intention to shoot but the cc wasnt available. so we mrt down to tampines to meet ken and monica. had nice long talks with bing. bing: thanks for being there to listen to me and making me feel better alright? i hope you'd worry less about me =) well, we had dinner at cafe cartel. they didnt allow me not to eat so had pasta. hmm diet is kinda working already. with my those days i ate less, and these few days of almost not eating much. now i just need to go run regularly. and situps. hmm then went to starbucks after dinner at cartel. to talk and all.. bleah things have been pretty complicated. and ive been causing so much unhappiness to many people. without even meaning to. i feel bad. but since i didnt mean to do it, it seems like i cant really do anything about it.

going to my baby cousin's birthday later. then going for cheerleading if i have time. then watching woman in black at singapore repertory theatre later with the class.